one two three fourrrrnication!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
