whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
