i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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