I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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