If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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