Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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