I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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