The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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