So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
