I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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