Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
