This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
