I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
