You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
