Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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