Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
