anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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