Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
whose parrot is this?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
