every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
