I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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