I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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