she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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