rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
