i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
