just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
