Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
