just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
