Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
