why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
