I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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