too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
