i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
