weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
whose parrot is this?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
