Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
