you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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