dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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