I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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