She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
