oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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