I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
