a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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