Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
