he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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