i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
