I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
