Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
