Small penises have feelings too.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
