We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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