woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
