ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
