i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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