Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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