Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
