I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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