i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
