There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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