are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
