Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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